THE FOUR ELEMENTS TO FLIRTING IN PERSON-EVEN DURING COVID
WHAT IS FLIRTING?
Flirting is the act of trying to gain the attention of another person with whom you are attracted to. In the world of online dating, flirting is a lost art replaced by static images and short snippets of text. One can be witty and alluring via text, but flirting to gain someone's attention is a skill that, like a muscle, can atrophy if not utilized.
Cultivate flirting, and you will see a difference in not just dating but ALL relating. When you understand how to move through life with a flirty and captivating essence, you will attract more of what you want in business, friendships, and opportunities because people will want to be around you and work with you.
Clarification: Don't mistake flirting for being seductive. There is a difference! Enticement and temptation around sexuality are related to seductiveness. Flirting is playful, fun, and associated with lightness. Seductiveness has a different intention behind it. I'll talk about the power of seduction in a later post. For now, I want you to focus on flexing your flirting muscle. Peacocks do it-they fan their feathers for mates. Lizards do it-think big gorging throats and disco lizard moves. And monkeys do it, although they tend to throw rocks at potential mates to attract their attention, a move I highly recommend you avoid.
THE FOUR ELEMENTS TO FLIRTING
ARE YOU DOING THIS? OR IS SOMEONE DOING THIS TO YOU?
ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
STEP 1: EYE CONTACT
With phones becoming an extension of ourselves, people are walking around looking down. When standing in line for coffee, do you pull your phone out and check emails or Instagram? If this is you and you're buried in your phone, you'll never see your potential match who may happen to be standing across the cafe waiting for their coffee. Practice keeping your phone in the car or your purse and noticing the people around you. If you see someone you are intrigued by, catch their gaze and hold it for a count of three. If they look away, no problem! You have nothing to lose here! You aren't committed. But don't necessarily look away when they do because they may look back! If they do, hold your gaze (again) for another three seconds and wait. While this is happening, be sure you are already doing Step 2...
STEP 2: SMILE
Smiling comes naturally for some, but for others, the minute they get nervous, a smile will fade. Practice a soft, relaxed smile. Yes, practice-as in look in the mirror and practice smiling. See what your face looks and feels like when you capture that natural smile of yours. If you find yourself getting nervous and forcing a smile, pick a go-to thought of something that lights you up, such as your sweet pup, a baby, or your favorite flower. Practice thinking about this image every time you get nervous and need a relaxed smile to appear! The best way to cultivate this is to go on a smiling mission. Make it a habit to smile at everyone you encounter throughout your day. Don't let COVID masks stop you. Smiling is more crucial than ever. When you smile, your entire face (especially your eyes) light up!
STEP 3: BODY LANGUAGE
Most people understand the idea of having their arms uncrossed and their gaze up but don't forget the rest of your body. Are your shoulders slouched? Do you have your feet pointing towards the person, or are you turned away from them? Being approachable is key. You want to convey to another person that it's okay to come up and speak to you. You are safe and readily approachable for conversation. Notice how you are standing and how you move through a room. Do a body scan. Are your gestures open, or are they closed? Flirting means not only sending signals out but being willing to receive them in return.
STEP 4: ASK OPEN-ENDED QUESTIONS
Let's say you've already identified a person you want to approach. You make your way to them, or you find yourself suddenly next to an attractive stranger and viola you realize there is an opportunity to connect. (Notice the word CONNECT?) All you are doing is connecting at this stage. Do not attempt to determine if this person is marriage material. It's way too soon for that. Other than a nice hello, the next thing should be an open-ended question. Open-ended questions allow the person to answer with more than a simple yes or no response. Open-ended questions enable you to gauge the opportunity by seeing and feeling how they respond.
Examples of open-ended questions are:
What's that you're drinking? Is it delicious?
Who is your favorite instructor at his studio? What do you love about their class?
What do you think about this brand?
Where did you get your mask?
You have all the pieces of the flirting equation in place, now what? You ultimately have to reassess. Is this a person you want to get to know further? Is this interaction merely a moment in your soon to be past? Or are you just practicing and happy moving on? If this is a person you want to know further, ask for their number or offer them yours. Maybe you aren't ready for that step. You could instead say, "Hope to see you here again soon!" If fear takes over, remind yourself you owe this person nothing, and this is not a relationship (yet). This is merely a friendly interaction. What is the worst they can say? No, thank you? I'm already with someone? I'm not from here? You get the point. No harm in any of those answers. Don't get attached to hearing yes. Move along and chalk it up as practice~Next!
With COVID keeping us at home and in less contact with people, now is the best time to practice because people are craving contact. Make every outing an opportunity to practice. Socially distancing does not mean NO flirting. Mask and all, every bit of this post applies. Humans still need to connect, and flirting never goes out of style. Now go on and flirt!